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Attractions in Development
Sometimes building attractions can be quite exciting. The ideation, the drafting and planning, gathering the materials, producing the initial designs. And then at other times the process is not so exciting. The plumbing, running cables, scheduling inspections, meetings, insufficient coffee … you get the idea, I’m sure. I mention this only because this week has been much of the latter and none of the former.
We here at the Calamity pride ourselves on the accuracy of information we provide in all matters of non-fiction. That is to say, as we prepare to unleash Volume II upon the world, we are inclined to ensure that even our commentary on the films and stories we’ll be sharing with you have some grounding in truth, even if that truth ultimately leads us to chaos.
Because, that is, after all, why you are here, are you not? The beautiful, wonderful, delicious chaos.
Anyway, Volume II looms, and with it, our unyielding excitement despite the more mundane aspects of its development.
And now, without further ado …
The Groundskeeper, Part XXX
First time tuning in? Start here.
When last we saw our protagonist, they were running from the warbling terror, making a bee line for elevator in the mausoleum after shutting it out. Unfortunately for our friend, it seems the creature has made it inside! You can catch up with Part XXIX here. Will the Groundskeeper acquire the shotgun in time to survive these legendary terrors? Let’s find out.
I look around, trying to divine the source of the warbling, but with no success. The warbling surrounds me, bouncing around the marble and the walls, rebounding between my ears and rattling my teeth. Whatever illusion I held that the creature could not trespass into the mausoleum is shattered. I decide I don't need to know where the sound is coming from, I just need to get to the shotgun, and so I start running again. And not a moment too soon. I begin sprinting, and moments later, the creature drops into the spot where I stood. I've just managed to get out of its way, and out of reach of its tongue: I feel its tip graze my calf. This makes me run harder.
The elevator is close. I come sliding to a halt to press the button and the doors snap open. I'm inside the elevator and the doors snap shut behind me, severing a portion of the creature's tongue. I feel the vibration of the thing slamming against the closed doors as the elevator drops. I watch the severed tongue writhe in mid air as we are in free fall, then seemingly float to the floor as the elevator swiftly slows and comes to a complete stop.
Now I know why the fucking elevator is such a wild ride on the way in and on the way down. No time to think on this more, though. The doors open. I leap over the severed tongue and run straight for the shotgun. The doors close behind me and the elevator makes its way back up to the top. The sub-level is still cold as hell, but I can’t be bothered with this right now. Assuming the creature doesn't know how to operate the elevator, I have a little time to figure out the shotgun before I have to put it to use.
I waste no time in getting to the end of the hall and grabbing the bat. I lift it over my head, close my eyes, and bring it down over the glass with every ounce of strength I have left to me. The glass shatters, and I open my eyes. I use the bat to clear away shards remaining in the window that would otherwise hamper my ability to grab the gun. I reach in, lift the shotgun out, and then grab a box of shells.
Fuck, I've never shot a gun before, and now I have to learn how to load one, and shoot it, to save my life? Hell, I don't even know how many shells I'm going to need. I empty the box into my pockets and grab another one. I look into the case to see if there's anything else I need when I catch glimpse of a lean stack of folded up paper. I pull it out and open it up and well, fuck me if it isn't my lucky day. It's a goddamn manual. Not exactly comprehensive, but still, it has pictures and notes and from what I can see, gives me all I need to know about this shotgun for what I need to use it for right now.
It takes me some time, which stresses me out, as I don't have a whole lot of time left--figuratively and literally--but I learn how to load the shotgun. This bad boy can be loaded with eight shells at a time and be primed for the next shot with a pump. So far so good. There are a number of handwritten notes across the pages too, things like "keep your finger off the trigger until you're ready to shoot," and "leave the safety on when doing anything else but shooting," and "don't look down the barrel." All pretty helpful I think. I load in eight shells, pump it and watch as the first shell gets sucked into the chamber. And not a moment too soon.
I hear the elevator running. It's on its way down.
What?! The creature can operate an elevator?! What nonsense is this? I mean, how hard can it be though? It’s just a matter of pushing the big red button, right? Surely a creature of such terrifying means has the capacity to do at least that. Well, perhaps we shall watch as the Groundskeeper meets their doom in the next chapter. Only one way to find out! Read Part XXXI here.
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What’s Published and Where You Can Find It
Tales From the Odds ‘n’ Endings Boutique
The Proprietor—a timeless individual of many faces, few scruples, and a whole lot of character—runs the Odds ‘n’ Endings Boutique, dealing in artifacts containing peculiar traits. These are the tales of the Boutique’s patrons.
Calypso
Calypso is the reimagining of Immortality, the first story ever written in the Odds ‘n’ Endings universe, and the third to be published in it. Come and brave the journey with the narrator as they realize too late the cost for an otherwise interesting acquisition. Now available:
Showdown at Sunrise
A merchant finds himself in a bind when he manages to survive a duel. A chance encounter in an odd shoppe may just be the luck he needs. The question is, will this luck hold out?
A western with a little bit of magic and a whole lotta gumption.
Vegas Rift
A woman searches for her long lost husband. This is currently the most popular Mad Alex short story.
Other Stories
The Artist’s Spell cover
Final Encounter Cover
Final Encounter
A parent searches frantically for their daughter who has disappeared in their house.
Postscript
Come closer, please. I have a favor to ask of you. If you made it this far and read the postscript with some regularity, do be a charm and replay to this email with word “schizzlesnackles.” It would mean so very much to us here. Also, if you are on the butterfly app, come follow me! You can find me on Bluesky here.